英语笑话
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英语幽默笑话：One Side of the Case 一面之辞
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand. "I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge. "Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head. ...
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英语幽默笑话：Excellent Skills
After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd. In an instant, a skycap was...
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英语幽默笑话：A Thank-you Note
Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- so...
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英语幽默笑话：我是来装电话的
What a big deal A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal workin...
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英语幽默笑话：Three pastors 三个牧师
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft（阁楼） and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away. Ano...
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英语幽默笑话：心不在焉的老师
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement． A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor．How are you？ “Well，” answered t...
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英语幽默笑话：新老师
George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 9月1日， 乔治放学...
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英语幽默笑话：谁的儿子最伟大
The Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and developm...
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英语幽默笑话：Now I have two skunks in there
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?" "Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open." ...
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英语幽默笑话：雇主和雇员
Workman：“Mr．Brown，I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages． I have just been married．” Employer：“Very sorry，my dear man， but I can't helpyou． For accidents which happen to our workmen outside thefactory we are not responsible．” 工人：“布朗先生，我想请您给我加一...
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英语幽默笑话：What Color 什么颜色
What Color什么颜色 An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Doe...
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英语幽默笑话：借公牛一用
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words. One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man. After the servant gave the note to the rich ma...
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英语幽默笑话：一切都正常
Things Have Been Okay A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, th...
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英语幽默笑话：我丈夫马上就要回来了
My Husband Will Be Home SoonA married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard."Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly...
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英语幽默笑话：Intelligent son 聪明的儿子
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope. After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in...
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英语幽默笑话：Sharing the Apples 分苹果
Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said. So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one. Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I...
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英语幽默笑话：A Present 凯特的礼物
Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday? Mom: No, Honey, what? Kate: A nice teapot. Mom: But I've got a nice teapot. Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗？ 妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀？ 凯特：一...
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英语幽默笑话：Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is be...
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英语幽默笑话：Boy, Oh Boy 让人无奈的孩子
When they're together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."...
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英语幽默笑话：How to Become Rich 如何致富
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father. Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel. Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分...
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英语幽默笑话：Birthday 生日
Professor: When is your birthday? Kid: May 30. Professor: Which year? Kid: Every year.教授：你的生日是什么时候？ 孩子：5月30日。 教授：哪一年？ 孩子：每年都是。...
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英语幽默笑话：Does He Bite 它咬人吗
Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite? Reggie: That's what I want to find out.里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗？ 罗恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人吗？ 里基：这正是我想要查明的。...
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英语小笑话：我认为我是一只鸡
Psychiatrist: What's your problem? 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. 病人：我认为我是一只鸡。 Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? 精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! 病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 词汇学习： Psy...
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英语小笑话：赚了一块两毛五
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father. 弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。 Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel. 姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。 Little brother: That makes a bu...
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英语小笑话：你眼睛都闭上了
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘...
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英语小笑话：为什么我的答案是错的
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend.“ 你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说 "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my an...
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英语小笑话：爸爸去哪儿了
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!” "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the chi...
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英语小笑话：我想你嫁给农夫琼斯
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. 老农约翰逊就要死了。 The family was standing around his bed. 他的家人都站在床边。 With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." 他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” Wife: "No, I can't marry...
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英语小笑话：我是教历史的
A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table 一位历史老师和他的妻子在吃饭 the wife asked “Anything new at work”, and he replied", no, I am teaching History". 妻子问到：“工作上有什么新鲜事吗?”丈夫回答说：“没有，我是教历史的。” 词汇学习： history teacher 历史老师 replied 回答 [rep...
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英语小笑话：现在尾巴到哪里去了
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?" 教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，...
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趣味英语笑话:对不起，本店不找零钱
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. 我和一个朋友在快餐店排队订餐 There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." 那里很醒目地写着，不接受超过20美元的大钞(请自备零钱)。 The woman in front of us, poin...
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英语幽默笑话：干净的杯子
joe and fred were helping to build a house in a village. the weather was very warm, there was a lot of dust everywhere, and by half past twelve, they were very thirsty, so they stopped work to have their lunch. they found the nearest small bar, went in and...
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英语幽默笑话：斯威夫特博士与小厮
a wealthy old lady who lived near dr. swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant. dr. swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble. one day as swift was busy with his writing, the boy rushed into his room, knocked...
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英语笑话：能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. 一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗， He is well-groomed and very well behaved. 它很干净很有教养， Would you be willing to perm...
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英语笑话：为什么不拿回来
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, 有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信, the son took the letter , 儿子已经拿着信跑了 the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope. 父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。 After th...
